MICK AND KEITH KISS AND MAKE UP

Great news for Stones fans... Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are talking again.  And...they're talking tour!!! The two have on the outs since the release of Richard's autobiography (great book) in 2010 in which among other things, he claims Jagger has a tiny penis (ouch!) Jagger tells Rolling Stone magazine, "Looking back at any career you are bound to recall both the highs and the lows. "In the 1980s for instance Keith and I were not communicating very well. I got very involved with the business side of the Stones, mainly because I felt no one else was interested, but it's plain now from the book that Keith felt excluded, which is a pity. Time I reckon to move on." And like the song says...Time is on their side...OR NOT. Anyhow...I'm glad they're going to rock out again.  Now if they could only get Bill Wyman back in the fold...

WHITNEY

Whitney Houston died Saturday. She was 48. The cause of death has not yet been made public. Paramedics were called to the hotel In Beverly Hills where Whitney was staying during Grammy festivities in the afternoon, and found her unresponsive in her room.. Paramedics' attempts at CPR failed and she was pronounced dead at 3:55 p.m. PST. There were no signs of foul play. Whitney had been planning to attend Clive Davis' annual pre-Grammy Awards party. (It was Clive who discovered and signed her to Arista Records in the early 80's). Such a gifted performer. Such a troubled lady. I hope she's finally at peace.

THE TEN BIGGEST A-HOLES IN SHOW BUSINESS

(In no particular order, but numbered because I like to number things)




10) Kanye West:  2 words:  SHUT UP
                           15 more words:  TAYLOR SWIFT SHOULD HAVE HAD HER BODYGUARDS KICK THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR SORRY ASS.




9)  Alec Baldwin:  See above, but substitute the words "YOUR DAUGHTER" for "TAYLOR SWIFT"

8)  Russell Crowe:  His huge ego is matched only by his anger management problem.

7)  Joan Rivers:  Her material is downright ugly, which might be tolerable if she wrote it herself.












6)  Charlie Sheen:  Hey…I like Charlie, but…WHOOP…WHOOP..WHOOP…WHOOP..WHOOP…WHOOP. 
 Pardon me friends... that's just my a-hole detector going off!!!

5) Lindsay Lohan:  There's part of me that feels really sorry for her but her attitude needs a whole heap o' fixin.












4)  3-WAY TIE:  Jessica Simpson's Father/Lindsay Lohan's Mother/Lindsay Lohan's Father:  There's a special place in hell reserved for those who pimp their kids.  Earn your own money, and have your respective daughters cover up their boobies.


3) Uggy (the dog from "The Artist"):  Uggy doesn't care who he poops on in his ruthless claw to reach the poochie yummies.  To his credit though, I heard he peed on Donald Trump's pant-leg.


2)  Rosie O'donell:  She's mean, she's fat, she's ugly, but hey…she keeps getting hot chicks to lick her naughty bits.  B*TCH!!!

1)  Ricky Gervais:  He's an over-rated one trick pony with an ego matched only by Russell Crowe's anger management problem. ( Refer back to number 10, but substitute

the words "KIM CATTRELL" for "TAYLOR SWIFT").


















Trust me folks, this is just scratching the surface of the show business scum-bucket pool.  Another 10 will undoubtedly find their way to this blog in the nearest of near futures.
     

FINGER FUN

NBC and the NFL are apologizing for the "rude gesture" flipped by British hip hop singer M.I.A. during her halftime performance at yesterday's Superbowl.


M.I.A. joined Madonna and Nikki Minaj onstage and was singing the new Madonna hit "Gimme All You Lovin" when she flipped the world the bird.


TSK, TSK!!! Naughty rapper!!!


An NFL spokesman blamed NBC's broadcast delay system.  An NBC Sports Spokesman said it was the NFL's fault for putting on a half-time show featuring hip-hop entertainers.


YAWN!!!


NFL BIG-SHOTS TAKE NOTE:  If you hire rappers to be the half-time entertainment at a family oriented sporting event and expect them to behave themselves, you're idiots.  Obscenity is their stock-in-trade.  It's what puts them booties in the seats!   Want a trouble free show?  Hire the Muppets.


And what (you ask) about Madonna's performance???


Another big YAWN from me.


P. Diddy tweeted that Madonna gave "the best half-time performance of all time".  I guess crystal meth has a way of making the world look rosier.

MILEY, MILEY MILEY...

You've heard about them...here they are...The infamous Miley Cyrus penis-cake photos.


Harmless fun at a party???  Yes.


Stupid idea on Miley's part to let herself be photographed fake-licking a big penis cake???  You bet.


Will she ever learn?  Hopefully before Billy-Ray has a massive cardiac!


(By the way, the cake, complete with simulated open sore on the tip, was  her boyfriend's birthday cake.  There's a story there somewhere, but I don't think I want to hear it)!

WILD THING

Remember that great song from the 60's "Wild Thing???  What a tune!!!  "Wild Thing, You make my heart sing..."  Awsome number, covered by everyone from Jimi Hendrix to a guy that had a hit with a recording of it done in a (President) Richard Nixon voice.  The song was written by Chip Taylor (Jon Voit's Brother, Angelina Joli's Uncle) and was a huge an influential hit for British group The Troggs.


Well a little more sad news from the  music biz...The Troggs frontman Reg Presley has been forced to retire.  He is apparently extremely ill with lung cancer and will no longer be able to front the band, as he has (in fits and starts)  for almost half a century.


Reg, who's a very young 70, was treated for pneumonia and fluid on his heart after falling ill last month, but he has since been given some really bad news about his poor health...
Doctors have discovered cancerous cells in his lungs.

He posted this on his website:


 "As you all know I was taken ill whilst doing a gig in Germany in December. During my stay in hospital tests showed that in fact I have lung cancer. I am receiving chemotherapy treatment and at the moment not feeling too bad.
"However, I’ve had to call time on The Troggs and retire. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for the cards and calls and for your love, loyalty and support over the years."


My prayers our certainly with Reg as faces what could be his final battle.


Before you slip into that deep sleep tonight...if you're a believer...I'd ask you to say few words to the man upstairs on behalf of one of rock music's  true pioneers, survivors and yes...Wild Thing.


Be well Reg. 

MY OSCAR PICKS

Oscar Nominees for 2012 were announced this morning.  No huge surprises, except maybe for Melissa McCarthy.  Here are my picks in some of the major categories.  (These are who I think SHOULD win, not who I think WILL win):


Picture:  The Artist
Director:  Martin Scorsese
Actor: Jean DuJardin
Actress:  Viola Davis
Supporting Actor:  Christopher Plummer
Cinematography:  The Artist
Costume Design:  The Artist
Original Score:  War Horse-John Williams
Original Song:  Real In Rio
Original Screenplay:  Woody Allen-Midnight In Paris

PHOTO ROUND-UP

Eddie Van Halen recently donated 75 guitars to a school in LA.  Nice guy! (No matter what Valerie B. says)!

                                                                                    Glee's Heather Morris.  Good thing she chooses her roles more carefully than her headgear.

Hey Jude Law...Rabbi Horowitz called.  He wants his hat back. 

 Justin & Selena.  Is she looking at his butt???  (HINT: yep)

I know she's a bi-otch x 8, but seriously...I'd do Kate Gosselin in a heartbeat!!!

Leaan Rimes on vacation in Hawaii recently. Sigh.  (I fear any further comment by yours-truly here may result in a restraining order).

Miley being Miley.  Daddy must be proud!

Rhianna relaxes on vacation.  Is that a spliff in her hand???  You be the judge.  (HINT:  yep)

And finally...this floored me.  Look how much better Snooki from Jersey Shore looks without all the Gina make-up!!!  She's actually a cutie undneath all that sh*t!!!

HEY RICKY

Ricky Gervais says he wont be hosting the Golden Globes a fourth time.  I guess three mediocre performances are enough for any man!


You know what though???  He said the same thing  following last year's show.  This dude know how to manipulate the media.

On his website, Ricky posted:                                                            


 "Phew! Thank f**k that's over. I had a blast actually. It was by far my favourite of the three hosting stints.
"I've told my agent to never let me be persuaded to do it again though. It's like a parachute jump. You can only really enjoy it in retrospect when you realise you didn't die and it was quite an amazing thing to do".


You know what???...I'm getting just a little sick of our friend Mr. Gervais. I think he's an extremely talented writer and performer, but I live in hope that one day soon he will SHUT HIS CAKE-HOLE ABOUT THE GOLDEN GLOBES AND QUIT MILKING THIS THING FOR PERSONAL GAIN.


Ricky...Listen to me mate...


Go have some fish and chips.... maybe a little spotted dick...a nice restful nap...and then...SHUT THE FU*K UP AND GET BACK TO WORK!!!


To the Hollywood Foreign Press (who bestow the coveted G.G.):  I have two words for you...


JIMMY KIMMEL.

BYE BYE JOHNNY

Legendary singer Johnny Otis died on Tueday.  He was 90.


Johnny wrote one of the all time classic Rock And Roll hits...Willie and the Hand Jive.  He also impacted Rock history by discovering greats like Etta James, Little Richard and Jackie Wilson.  Johnny penned tunes for many artists including the afore mentioned Etta James and little Richard as well as (The Late Great!) Johnny Ace and others.

Although he retired from show business back in the 70's he continued to inspire new generations of aspiring Rock and R&B singers

Johnny Otis was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1994.


If you're out walking around tonight, cast your eyes towards the heavens.  You just migh catch some angels doin' that crazy hand jive up there!!!


By Bye Johnny. 

HOT N' NOT

HOT:  Katy                      
                           NOT:  Whats-his-name

HOT:  Betty White          NOT:  Jack White

HOT:  Lamping 

              NOT:  Planking

HOT:  Apple ipod 

          NOT:   Apple pie

HOT:  Lourdes

NOT:  Mom-Donna

HOT:  Lesbians               NOT:  Feminists (there may be some overlap here)!


HOT:  Beyonce's butt       NOT:  Beyonce's husband

HOT:  Ringo                    






                             NOT:  Rango








HOT:  Uggy                     NOT:  Lassie


HOT:  Tweeting               NOT:  Eating


HOT:  Hugh Romney       NOT:  Mitt Romney


HOT:  Cialis                    NOT:  Viagra


HOT:  Shannon                NOT:  Gene


HOT:  KOBO                  NOT:  Kindle


HOT:  True Love             NOT:  Courtney Love


HOT:  Melissa McCarthy NOT:  Jenny McCarthy

HOT:  Sushi

NOT:  Oysters (yuck!)

HOT:  E-Bay                    NOT:  E-Harmony       


   

GOLDEN GLOBE WRAP-UP

YAWN.


No... I'm not behind on my sleep, that's just my reaction to the kinder, gentler Ricky Gervais were were treated to on Last night's Golden Globes.  Obviously instructed to tone things down from last year by the producers, Gervais chose to take the sting out of his material by :
a)  Reassuring us at every turn that he was only kidding
b)  Delivering his material not in his usual sarcasm-tinged deadpan,  but rather with  a disconcerting "that's okay folks, I don't really mean it" delivery.


Ricky was still funny...he's a funny guy...but he didn't give the power-house performance he could have.  Politics is everywhere folks and I guess comedians have to eat like the rest of us.  I still think the right man for the job is Jimmy Kimmel.


Other Impressions:


-It was great to see Christopher Plummer and Morgan Freeman.  A couple of classy guys still hanging in there and doing themselves proud.  Same for Sidney Poitier, although he seemed a little lost.


-What the hell was up with Meryl Streep's acceptance speech?  How can such a great actress give such a crummy, disjointed speech?


-Did you get a look at Madonna's arms?  Yuck. Some weird vein-action going on there!


-Kelsey Grammer wins over Bryan Cranston?  WHAT???.  Has anybody even seen Boss?


-How about UGGIE the Jack Russel Terrier?  Too cute!!!  Maybe he should host next year.


and... my "Babe Of The Night" award goes to....(drumroll please)...Reese Weatherspoon, looking edibly all-American in a heart-stopping red gown.  Mercy.

MY GOLDEN GLOBE PICKS

I love awards season!!!

Much anticipation surrounds tonight's Golden Globe Awards. Playing right into the hands of the producers, people that normally wouldn't give a hoot are going to be tuning in to see who and to what extent Ricky Gervais goes after in his monologue and running patter.  I just hope he concentrates less on being cutting-edge and more on being funny than he did last year.


The Globes are notorious for giving awards to those you least expect to get them, so watch for upsets.  (Who the heck are the Hollywood Foreign Press anyway)??? Quite the shadowy organization!


Anyhow...here are my picks:


Best Picture (Drama):  The Help
Actress (Drama):  Viola Davis
Actor (Drama):  George Clooney


Best Picture (Comedy Or Musical):  My Week With Marilyn
Actress (Comedy Or Musical):  Michelle Williams
Actor (Comedy Or Musical):  Ryan Gosling


Best Animated Feature: The Adventures of Tin Tin


Supporting Actress:  Jessica Chastain
Supporting Actor:  Kenneth Branaugh
Best Director:  Alexander Payne
Best Screenplay:  Woody Allen


Best TV Series (Drama):  Boardwalk Empire
Actress (TV Drama):  Claire Danes
Actor (TV Drama):  Steve Buscemi




Best TV Series (Comedy Or Musical):  GLEE
Actress (TV Comedy Or Musical):  Zooey Deschanel
Actor (TV Comedy Or Musical):  Alec Baldwin.


I picked Baldwin to win TV actor but I really hope he doesn't.  He's a jerk (albeit a talented one).  (I'm guessing the daughter he publicly humiliated a couple of years ago is pulling for Johnny Galecki)!!!

RADIO STORIES (PART TWO)

STORY # 2-COMMUNITY BULLETIN BOARD


This one happened in 1977 at CJSL Radio in Estevan Saskatchewan.  We used to have a segment following our Noon Hour News that featured community announcements submitted by local organizations to promote their events.  One of my tasks was to take the submissions and put them into script form so that they could be read on-air.


SO...


One day an announcer who everyone considers to be a major A-hole is on-air reading the community announcements.  As I'm listening to him , a lovely old grey-haired lady steps into my office and hands me a neatly-typed blurb about an upcoming social her ladies group is holding.  I thank the kind lady and she leaves.  I'm about to take the announcement into Mr. A-hole when a scathingly brilliant idea pops into my head.  Suddenly I see clearly how I can punish this jerk for being such a huge pain-in-the-butt.


I insert the announcement into my trusty Olivetti Typewriter (this is the 70's, remember...no computers) and hastily make a small addition to it.  I hurry over to studio "A" and hand Mr.-You-Know-What the doctored
script.


Upon returning to my office, I crank up the on-air moniter just in time to hear:


There will be an afternoon tea sponsored by the Estevan Ladies Auxilliary on Tuesday June 20th at 1:00 P.M.  Tickets are $3.00 and are available from any member.  Everyone is welcome to attend (and here's where I added)  EXCEPT TRANSVESTITES.


It was beautiful.  Mr. A-hole really enunciated the "except transvestites" part.


The next sound I hear is idiot-boy powering his way down the hallway shouting loudly.  I can't make out exactly what he's screaming, but I am able to pick out my name and and a 13 letter term that denotes someone who copulates with their mother.  In seconds he burst through my office door, punches me in the shoulder and storms out again


EPILOGUE:


 I nurse a bruised shoulder for the next week or so all the time bearing the smug grin of a man who has exacted divine retribution on behalf of all mankind.


 Mr.  A-hole quits is job and beats a hasty retreat back to rock he crawled out from under.


For the remainder of my brief tenure with this radio station I am considered by my announcer buddies to be tantamount to a God.

RADIO STORIES (PART ONE)

I thought I'd share a couple more stories dating back to my radio days in the late 70s-early 80s:


STORY #1:  HOT NEWS FLASH


So...I'm on the air reading the news on radio station CFEK in Fernie British Columbia.  I'm in a little closet-sized announce-booth with only one door.  The door swings open and standing there is the station's program director.  In his hands he is holding a stack of newsprint teletype copy pages that are...(wait for it)...ON FIRE!!!


"Here Dave" he says "Hot news flash!!!"  And he tosses the flaming papers on to the news-desk I'm sitting behind.  I immediately lapse into a state of panic and in said state I forget to hit the kill switch on my microphone.


What the fine people of the Elk Valley are treated to in the next thirty seconds is:


a)  The frantic sound of someone trying to beat out a raging fire on top of a broadcast console with their bare hands.


Followed immediately by:


b)  The dulcet ring of maniacal laughter coming from an unglued rookie announce who fears this broadcast may be his last.


(Story #2 tommorrow.  Talk to ya then radio fans!)

GREATEST ONE-HIT WONDERS OF THE 70S (Part2)

Today I'm continuing yesterday's list of what I consider to be some of the coolest songs ever by one-hit wonders from the 1970s.  There were tons of these tunes floating around back then.  Exploitation and novelty records  were at their peak in the pre-punk days and Disco brought a whole crop of characters who scored that massive hit and then slithered away back into obscurity.  I bet a lot of these guys are now manning microwaves at your local Taco Bell.


AND NOW...LADIES AND VERY- GENTLE -MEN EVERYWHERE...
HERE THEY ARE:


 THE TOP 25 GREATEST ONE HIT WONDERS OF THE 70S (IMHO):


25)  Precious and Few-Climax


24)  One Toke Over The Line -Brewer and Shipley*  (see authors note at end of post)


23)  Vehicle-The Ides Of March


22)  All Right Now-Free


21)  In The Summertime-Mungo Jerry


20)  House Of The Rising Sun-Frijid Pink


19)  Love Grows-Edison Lighthouse


18)  Life Is A Rock-Reunion


17)  Pop Muzik-M


16  Magic-Pilot


15)  Oh Babe, What Would You Say-Hurricane Smith


14)  Wildflower-Skylark


13)  Give Me Just A little More Time-Chairman Of The Board


12)  Gimme Dat Ting-The Pipkins


11)  Spirit In The Sky-Norman Greenbaum


10)  Third Rate Romance-Amazing Rhythm Aces


9) Couldn't Get It Right-Klymaxx Blues Band


8)  Ride Captain Ride-Blues Image


7)  Ma Belle Ami-Tee Set


6)  Hitchin' A Ride-Vanity Fare


5)  Do You Know What I Mean-Lee Michaels


4)  Come And Get Your Love-RedBone


3)  The Rapper-The Jaggerz


2)  Dancing In The Moonlight-King Harvest


1)  Venus-Shocking Blue


Like I said yesterday...these are all great tunes (even though most of them have a cheese factor that is off the frickin' Richter Scale)!  Please do yourself an extreme nicety and find them on the web, download them unto your favourite Tuneage-Seeking-Device and throw a party in your ears!




*AUTHOR'S NOTE:  I discovered while writing today's blog that Microsoft Word doesn't recognize "toke" as a word!!!
Not a word??? Who's sittin' in the big word recognition chair over there at Microsoft???  Mitt Romney???
DUDES...LOOSEN UP!!!

GREATEST ONE-HIT WONDERS OF THE 70'S (IMHO)

As a musician and self proclaimed Super-Music-Fan, I've always been fascinated by those one hit wonders...artists who have one smash hit and then, for whatever reason, never again reach the dizzying heights of pop-chart success.  I've always found it amazing that an artist could produce a brilliant track that captures the imaginations of millions and sells a gazillion copies but have the rest of their music be total garbagio.  I think just about everyone has bought an album for that great hit single they heard on the radio, only to discover that the rest of the album was HORRIBLE.

But, to quote Rob Reiner in Spinal Tap...enough of my yakkin' !!!

I give you  THE GREATEST ONE-HIT WONDERS OF THE 70'S (IMHO):

50)  Hold On-Ian Gomm
49)  Video Killed The Radio Star-The Buggles
48)  Driver's Seat-Sniff N' The Tears
47)  Take ALetter Maria-R.B. Greaves
46)  Hot Child In The City-Nick Gilder
45)  Black Betty-Ram Jam
44)  Ariel-Dean Friedman
43)  Afternoon Delight-Starland Vocal Band
42)  Play That Funky Music-Wild Cherry
41)  How Long-Ace
40)  Chevy Van-Sammy Johns
39)  Lovin' You-Minnie Ripperton
38)  Rock & Roll Hootchie Koo-Rick Derringer
37)  Tubular Bells-Mike Olfield
36)  Midnight At The Oasis-Maria Muldaur
35)  Rock On-David Essex
34)  Dead Skunk-Louden Wainwright III
33)  My Maria-B.W. Srevenson
32)  Indiana Wants Me-R. Dean Taylor
31)  Hocus Pocus-Focus
30)  Brother Louie-Stories
29)  Smokin' In The Boy's Room-Brownsville Station
28)  Good Time Charlie's Got The Blues-Danny O'Keefe
27)  Sunshine-Jonathan Edwards
26)  Popcorn-Hot Butter

(Next post I'll run down my picks for the 25-1 slots).

I beseech you...if you are unfamiliar with any of this stuff, do yourself a major favour and check them out.  These songs are guilty pleasures at their guiltiest (and pleasing-est)!

I'M BACK!!!

Hey there!!!


 (I was forced to take a brief hiatus from blogging for the last month or so.  Health concerns.  I'll elaborate in future posts).


 Anyway, here I am...fit and 54 and feeling better than ever.


Since it's the New Year, I thought I'd start off by restating what (the hell!!!) this blog is all about.  I originally billed it (al-a Seinfeld) as being "A BLOG ABOUT NOTHING" and really, that still pretty much hits the the mark.  Most of this stuff is intended to be taken extremely lightly.  I'm a pop-culture junkie and have never ceased to be amazed by the sh*t that goes down on a daily basis in this wacky world.  There are no deep themes here..just my (skewed) take on life and entertainment, peppered with stories from my past lives as a broadcaster and musician.


I humbly hope you enjoy what it is I offer and invite you introduce yourself by way of posted comments.


WELCOME TO ANOTHER YEAR MY FRIENDS!


Dave