DEAR SANTA

Dear Santa,
I do not usually write letters of this nature, but seriously…what the hell is your problem? 


You have categorically failed to provide me with even one of the items contained in the annual letters that I've written to you faithfully since the age of four.


Where oh where were those skates…the B.B. Gun…the official NFL Football?
And what about that dirt bike buddy???  All I received year after year, after year were socks, underwear, clothing and the occassional crappy toy that I neither asked for or wanted.


Now, I don't mean to sound ungrateful.  And it's certainly not my intention to imply that the fault was yours.  (It was probably one of those little squirts who works for you).  But whatever the problem is, I sincerely hope you isolate it, fix it and deliver to me what is rightfully mine.


Oh, and one other thing.  I have not been an especially good boy this year Santa, but I'm hoping that you will undertake a review of your outdated and discriminatory policy of dispersing gifts only to so-called "NICE" people.  NICE, SCHMICE.


Your friend,
Dave


P.S.    I trust my standing request for a Lamborghini Gallardo LP550-2 and Jessica Alba is still on file with your organization.