THE BLACK BEAR BOOGIE

Back in the late seventies I was working in radio in British Columbia, high up in the rockies of the East Kootenay Region.  My friend Dan was the morning man at a station affiliated with the one I worked at.  One beautiful summer Saturday, following a media baseball game at one of the area's many parks, Dan and I and a group of friends sat in the shade of a tall, tall tree, gulped down a copious amount of Kootenay beer and chewed the fat. Up saunters a park ranger.  Uh-Oh, we all thought, we've got a couple of 2-4s of beer and we're all half in the bag.  We've had it now.


My buddy Kirk launches into a convoluted excuse for having open liquor in the park when Mr. Ranger stops him in mid sentence.  "Look guys" says the ranger, "I don't give a damn about the beer.  Just be discreet.  The reason I came over here is to let you know that we've just had a black bear sighting in this area, so please be careful". And he leaves.


We continue on with the beer and BS-Fest, but Dan can clearly not let the black bear thing go. He begins muttering to himself over and over...black bears...black bears...black bears.  Before long his muttering morphs into a sing-song chant "Black Bear Boogie, do the Black Bear Boogie.  We try to ingore him but his little song gets more and more urgent as the time and beer passes.  "Black Bear Boogie, do the Black Bear Boogie".  He's really getting into it.


Finally as the twilight is fading into darkness, we decide to repair to a local watering hole known for it's huge size and large population of hot young women. In the car on the way over, Dan continues his black bear battle cry "Black Bear Boogie, do the Black Bear Boogie"  We continue to ignore him in hopes that he'll wear himself down and shut the F up.


We arrive at the bar and tumble drunkenly out of the car.  Dan falls out last.  Far from being worn out, the car ride seems to have invigorated him.  He's even added a flourish of air-guitar choreography to enhance his little song.  "Black Bear Boogie, do the Black Bear Boogie".


We are seated at a large communal table at the front of the place, order a round of Kootenays and are passed a large platter of mini egg-rolls with plum sauce. (The free mini egg-rolls and nuts and bolts party mix being one of the key draws to this place, second only to the afore mentioned hot young women).  Just as I'm about to plunge one of those little babies into a dish of spicy plum sauce, Dan elbows me in the ribs.  "Hey" he grunts...check out the goddesses.  My eyes follow his wagging finger to the vision slowly breaking the smoky horizon:  Two young ladies, one blonde, one brunette, each looking like they have just stepped out of the glossy pages of Playboy Magazine.  We sigh as we watch their firm little butts waggle over to their table by the dance floor and sit down.  "Come on man" says Dan, "lets go ask those little hotties to dance".  "I don't think so" I protest, "I'm not much of a dancer".  "Who gives a crap" bellows Dan.  Let's go get em"! He wraps his beefy right hand around my neck and propels me from my chair.  Reluctantly I follow him as he launches towards his target.  As we approach, I see the girls notice us and fix us firmly in their gaze.  "No turning back now" I mutter to myself.  Suddenly, without warning Danny Boy stops, drops his head back and wails "Black Bear Boogie, do the Black Bear Boogie" as his arms windmill crazily off of his imaginary guitar.  "That's it" I say to myself, "I'm bailing".  I scurry back to my chair across the bar and busy myself with the large gin and tonic I find waiting there for me.


Five minutes later, as I'm about to stuff my 10th or 11th mini-egg roll down my gullet, I look up just in time to see Dan sauntering  out the door, the blonde on one arm, the brunette on the other.  Triumphantly Dan turns toward me and with great gusto, once again belts out for all to hear " Black Bear Boogie, do the Black Bear Boogie" as his new-found playmates add screechy, out-of-tune harmony and giggle suggestively.


A phone call to Dan the next day confirms the ugly truth that Dan did indeed spend that night with the goddesses, drunkenly (and blissfully) performing rendition after rendition of the Black Bear Boogie as they ran through various  and sundry positions from the Kama Sutra..


So...here comes the point of this sordid tale:   CARPE DIEM MY FRIENDS...SEIZE THE DAY!!!
Don't worry about looking like a giant A-hole.  Figure out what you want and go get it, just like my old friend Dan.  Who knows what pleasures await you across a smoky bar room or stuffy board room. Go for it.


DO THE BLACK BEAR BOOGIE BABY!!!